I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
