Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
