Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
