and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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