I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
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Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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