Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
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No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
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I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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