i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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