Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
