Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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