Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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