A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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