I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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