I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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