After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
