When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
