well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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