did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize