What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
