I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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