my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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