i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
