hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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