First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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