Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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