the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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