So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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