I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
