Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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