I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my shit smells like andre
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
