omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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