Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
