Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
