At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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