I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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