you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
