summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
