and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just invented taco cereal.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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