nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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