I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think my vagina is haunted
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
