I got chris browned last night
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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