Who did Billy Mays play for?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
