I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Barsexuality is the new black.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
