I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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