the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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