Umm I'm too high to move.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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