Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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