guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
