i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
