meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The best revenge is premature balding
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
