Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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