John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
