An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
