There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
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i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
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He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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