I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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