I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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