Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
