oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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