You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
