I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
