Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
