I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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