im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize