Define "chronic" masturbator.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
