I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize