Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
