My first STD was from a foam party
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
