last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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