there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
