i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
