RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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