i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
